Author Archives: lennart

The cavalryman was galloping dow…

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The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. Lying in the dirt with a broken leg, terrified of the approachingenemy, the soldier called out: “All you saints in heaven, help me get up on my horse!”Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse’s back and fell off the other side. Once again on the ground, he called to the heavens:”All right, just half of you this time!”

The Captain was Jewish, and the …

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The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn’t get along.After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, ” I don’t like Chinese. “The F.O. replied, ” Ooooh, no like Chinese?

Why is that?

” The Captain said, ” You bombed Pearl Harbor. That’s why I don’t like Chinese. “The F.O. said, ” Nooooo, noooo … Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That JAPANESE, not Chinese. “And the Captain answered, ” Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese … it doesn’t matter. They’re all alike. “Another 30 minutes of silence.Finally the First Officer said, ” No like Jew. “The Captain replied, ” Why not?

Why don’t you like Jews?

“” Jews sink Titanic. ” Said the F.O.The Captain tried to correct him, ” No, no. The Jews didn’t sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg. “” Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg .. no mattah .. all same “

The Captain called the Sergeant …

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The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander.” Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. “Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn’t you be a bit more tactful, next time?

” “Yes, sir,” answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath’s mother died. You’d better go tell him and send him in to see me . This time be more tactful.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. “Ok, men, fall in and listen up.” “Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward.” “Not so fast, McGrath!”

The cowboy was trying to buy a h…

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The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.”Ever have an accident?

“”Nope, nary a one.””None?

You’ve never had any accidents.””Nope. Ain’t never had one. Never.””Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?

“”Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

The cowboy lay sprawled across t…

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The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s you’re name?

” “Sam,” the cowboy moaned. “Where ya from, Sam?

” With pain in his voice Sam replied…. “The balcony.”

The cowboy lay sprawled across t…

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The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s you’re name?

” “Sam,” the cowboy moaned. “Where ya from, Sam?

” With pain in his voice Sam replied…. “The balcony.”

The couple was standing staring …

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The couple was standing staring at one of the more expensive models in the auto showroom. A salesman sensing their debate over the price moved in and said, “This model is priced just over the car which is priced a few dollars above the car which costs no more than some models of the lowest priced cars.”

The couple was dining out when t…

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The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. “Elliot,” she said, pointing “do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?

“The husband looked over and nodded. “Well,” the woman continued, “he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!”The husband returned to his meal. “Nonsense,” he said, “even that’s not worth so much celebrating!”