During the month of June and July. Here in the panhandle it got pretty hot in this area. In Fact people were even overworking in the heat. So one day I was working outside in the heat and then i thought i better get inside. My Boss asked me where i was going and i told him i am going inside to cool down . He said that i better get back to work. I said i cant, he said how come.?
Because it is so hot out here that i have to go inside to change my mind.
During the Mexican American War, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances.Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled, “Hey, Juan!”A soldier jumped up and replied, “What?
” The general shot him dead. This continued for three days.A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He called out, “Hey, John!”An American replied, “John isn’t here. Is that you Juan?
“The Mexican general stood up, “Yeah” . . .
During the heat of the space race in the 1960’s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, “I know I’m in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!” “The crackers are complimentary,” the voice to the other end cooly explained. “I believe you are complaining about your room number.”
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.”You simpleton!” the officer barked. “Don’t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?
“”Yes sir,” the solder answered apologetically. “But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, “Let’s eat one now and save the other until winter’ — that did it.”
During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was. After everyone had answered, he sneered and said “you are all wrong, the army is now your home”.Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say “you bet I do” the sergeant replied, “men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess. Where do you think you are?
Home?
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months.As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn’t hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, “This might hurt a little more than I thought.”
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit afortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room,peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.”There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepareyourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent andhorrible death this year.”Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman’s lined face, then atthe single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took afew deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. Shemet the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked herquestion:”Will I be acquitted?
“
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner,”Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?
” “Whada ya win?
” “A million dollars!” said the redneck. “You get a dollar a year for a million years.” “How much are they each?
” “Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!”
ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do?
SANTA: Use a pen.