Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night’s sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.A few weeks later, Joe’s former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. “Doc!” Joe says, “It’s amazing! I’m cured!””That’s great news!” the psychoanalyst says. “you seem to be doing much better. How?

“”I went to see another doctor,” Joe says enthusiastically, “and he cured me in just ONE session!””One?

!” the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.”Yeah,” continues Joe, “my new doctor is a behaviorist.””A behaviorist?

” the psychoanalyst asks. “How did he cure you in one session?

“”Oh, easy,” says Joe. “He told me to cut the legs off of my bed.”

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me … the whole world hates me!”Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: “That’s not true, Mary. Some people don’t even know you.”

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: “Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?

“

One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Check three friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.

Patient: I’m really depressed. Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed. Patient: Nothing is going well. Therapist: Nothing well. Patient: I feel like killing myself. T: You’re thinking of killing yourself. P: Yes, I’m going to do it NOW. T: You want to do it now. P: [Jumps out window.] T: Woosh. Splat.

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.Doctor: Tell me about your problem.Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN’T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!

Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I’ve got hundreds of them.

Patient: Doctor, I get the feeling that people don’t give a hoot about anything I say. Psychiatrist: So?

Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate?

Psychiatrist: You’ve got multiple personalities.