Q: What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! “Damn.” A bad skydiver goes, “Damn.” WHACK!

Q: What’s the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?

A: One’s a glueless kit and the other’s a clueless git!

Ref: I’m sending you off Player: What for?

Ref: The rest of the match!

Ref:I’m sending you off Player: What for ?

Ref: The rest of the match !

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.”Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches.””I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered unperturbed. “We’ve got all the umpires.”

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. “Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres… We can’t lose!” Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus. “Second?

!!” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “You came in second to Shimon Peres?

!!” “No,” said Nicklaus, “second to Rabbi Woods.”

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.”Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?

” she asked the instructor.”P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied.”Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.”

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out “Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup.” Snow White says “Well at least Dopey’s alive!”

There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is this seat taken?

” The man replied, “This was my wife’s seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan.” The other man replied,”I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn’t give the ticket to a friend or a relative?

” The man replied, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a ________.”Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?

“Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM.””Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.”He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny’s should er again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?

“”You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”