If you cross a telephone and a pair of scissors, what do you get?

Snippy answers.

If you cross a telephone and a lobster what will you get?

Snappy talk.

Kelso met Hensley on the street. “Hey!” said Kelso, “how come I never hear from you?

Why don’t you call me on the telephone?

” “You ain’t got no tellyphone!” said Hensley. “I know,” said Kelso. “But you do!”

Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. “What’s the matter?

” asked Moody. “Are you in trouble?

” “No!” said Crumm. “What do you want, then?

” “Nothing!” “Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?

” asked Moody. “Cause!” said the other redneck, “the rates is cheaper!”

Mother: Why was the phone busy all night?

Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

Party Host: Hello?

Phone Caller: I’m trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her?

Party Host: I’d be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does anybody know Ima Nidiot?

The new office-boy came into his boss’s office and said, “I think you’re wanted on the phone, sir.” “What d’you mean, you think?

” demanded the boss. “Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said ‘is that you, you old fool?

“

The phone in Rigby’s Georgia farmhouse rang one evening. When he answered, the operator said, “This is long distance from Chicago.” “I knowed it’s a long distance from Chicago!” answered the farmer. “How come you called to tell me that?

“

What animals talk on the telephone the most?

The yakety-yaks!

What asks no question but demands an answer?

A doorbell or a ringing telephone.