Author Archives: lennart

In February 1994 in New Brighton…

In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began throwing sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly threw the woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents spilling to the floor. As both continued to brawl on the floor, she allegedly stuffed lettuce into the man’s mouth.

In a fancy Paris restaurant, the…

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. “I think I’m the smartest woman on earth.” “POOF!” She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> “I think I’m the prettiest woman on earth.” “POOF!” She disappears. The blonde goes up. “I think–” “POOF!”

In a nursing home, there is this…

In a nursing home, there is this old woman named Gladys who likes to walk around and flash people. She walks up to a nun, opens her robe and yells “Super Pussy!” The nun says, “Gladys, you know you’re not supposed to do that. Now go back to your room. Gladys starts walking back and sees the minister. She walks up to him, opens her robe and yells “Super Pussy!” The minister is shocked and tells her to go back to her room. As she continues, she sees an old man lying on the bed. She walks in, flashes him, and yells “Super Pussy!” The man slowly turns his head and says, “Thanks, I think I’ll have the soup.”

In a psychiatrist’s waiting room…

In a psychiatrist’s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, “Why are you here?

“The second answers, “I’m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here.”The first is curious and asks, “How do you know that you’re Napoleon?

“The second responds, “God told me I was.”At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, “NO I DIDN’T!”

In Alaska’s National Forests, a …

In Alaska’s National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory: “Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting suprise can be catastrophic.” To avoid this, he suggested that each hiker wear tiny bells on their clothing to warn the bears of their presence. “Also,” he said further, “be especially cautious when you see signs of bears in the area, especially when you see bear droppings.”One tourist asked, “How do you identify bear droppings?

“”Oh that’s easy,” the guide explained, “its the ones with all the tiny bells in them!”

In a very small alley two trucks…

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.They angrily look one at the other.Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.The other one politely asks, “When you’ve finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?

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In the 1970’s, before women were…

In the 1970’s, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army.”But, wait a minute,” said one listener, “She’ll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won’t she?

“”Sure,” replied the man.”Well, won’t they find out?

” asked his friend.The man shrugged and replied, “But who will tell?

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