Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the gold and silver in my mouth?
Dentist: Don’t smile in a bad neighborhood.
Patient: Doc, what should I do w…
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Author Archives: lennart
Patient: “It must be tough spend…
Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.”Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”
Patient to Dentist: “How much to…
Patient to Dentist: “How much to get my teeth straightened?
” “Twenty thousand bucks” Patient heads for the door.Dentist to patient: “Where are you going?
“”To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent.”
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): W…
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?
Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.
Pat and Mike were walking down t…
Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, ‘Mike, you wait here, I’m going to run in for confession, it’s been a long time’.Pat enters the confessional and says,’ Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman’.The priest asks, ‘was it Mrs Murphy’?
‘no, Father’, was the reply.’Was it Mrs O’Boyle’?
Again the reply was ‘No, Father’.’Was it Mrs. O’Grady’?
Pat said, Father, I’ll not be teling you the lady’s name!So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary’s for each time he had sinned with the woman.Back on the street, Mike said, ‘Well, how did you do’?
Pat said, ‘Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects’!
Pat and Mick landed themselves a…
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: “Mick! I lost me finger!” “Have you now?
” says Mick. “And how did you do it?
” “I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi… Darn! There goes another one!”
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight…
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean.” The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captain’s next announcement. “Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency, and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane, and all the swimmers are on the right side.” After this announcement, all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain’s request. Two minutes later, the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement, “Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open you r emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane… “Thank You For Flying Lufthansa.”
Passenger: Will this bus take me…
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?
Driver: Which part?
Passenger: All of me, of course!
Passenger: Does this bus go to L…
Passenger: Does this bus go to London?
Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There’s an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!
Party Host: Hello? Phone Caller:…
Party Host: Hello?
Phone Caller: I’m trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her?
Party Host: I’d be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does anybody know Ima Nidiot?