Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways.”
Pardon me for a moment, please,” said the dentist to the victim, “but before beginning this work I must have my drill.””Good heavens, man!” exclaimed the patient irritably. “Can’t you pull a tooth without a rehearsal?
“
Parachute Jumping by Hugo Furst
Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don’t worry, I don’t expect anyone will notice.
Patient: Tell me honestly, how am I?
Dentist: Your teeth are fine, but your gums will have to come out.
Patient: I’m really depressed. Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed. Patient: Nothing is going well. Therapist: Nothing well. Patient: I feel like killing myself. T: You’re thinking of killing yourself. P: Yes, I’m going to do it NOW. T: You want to do it now. P: [Jumps out window.] T: Woosh. Splat.
Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus.Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.Patient: That’s terrible! What’s the good news?
Doctor: There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.Doctor: Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100. Patient: Well, without pain it’s cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
Patient: Hey, that tooth you pulled wasn’t the one I wanted pulled.Dentist: Relax, I’m coming to it.