Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.Doctor: Tell me about your problem.Patient: I just did, didn’t I, you stupid fool!!
Patient: Doctor, you must help m…
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Patient: Doctor, you must help m…
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.Doctor: Tell me about your problem.Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN’T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!
Patient: Doctor, you have to hel…
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I’m a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don’t want.
Patient: Doctor, what should I d…
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
Doctor: Sell!
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks …
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I’ve got hundreds of them.
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wi…
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
Patient: Doctor, I think I swall…
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.
Patient: Doctor, I get the feeli…
Patient: Doctor, I get the feeling that people don’t give a hoot about anything I say. Psychiatrist: So?
Patient:Do you extract teeth pai…
Patient:Do you extract teeth painlessly?
Dentis: “Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my wrist
Patient: Why did you charge me a…
Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate?
Psychiatrist: You’ve got multiple personalities.