When the school was broken into, the thieves took absolutely everything – desks, books, blackboards, everything apart from the soap in the lavatories and all the towels. The police are looking for a pair of dirty criminals.
When the picture of the vampire’s grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean?
That the nail had come out of the wall.
When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he wentout and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might noticehim on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there wasthis bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. Thethe guy’s amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to thebum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy wentover to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off hisback. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of thisguy, and whispered in his ear, “I thought I told you to getthe hell out of here!”
When they arrived at the therapist’s office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?
” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 – – 10 – – 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the therapist went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there – speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!” The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.
When were King Arthur’s army too tired to fight ?
When they had lots of sleepless knights !
When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine. Democrats ask for a “Bud.”
When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?
I prefer to ride on top, but it’s very hard getting the horse up the stairs.
When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do?
Take the words right out of his mouth.
When you call a dog, they usually come to you.When you call a cat; they take a message.