Which wrestler do the Gorillas admire most?
Gorilla Monsoon – he knows the ropes!
Which wrestler do the Gorillas a…
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Author Archives: lennart
While driving down a steep and c…
While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd “Jimmy” and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, “When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?
“The first guy, a well known botanist says, “I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world.”The second guy, an ornithologist, says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations.”The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, “I would like to hear them say… ‘LOOK, HE’S MOVING!!!’ “
While driving along the back roa…
While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11’3.”They got out and measured their rig, which was 12’4.””What do you think?
” one asked the other.The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. “Not a cop in sight. Let’s take a chance!”
While driving down the road the …
While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, “What do you think you’re doing?
“After a moment the man replied, … “Well, I’ve always wanted to strike a happy medium.”
While practicing autorotations d…
While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s. As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place… Tower: “Sir, do you need any assistance?
” Cobra: “I don’t know Tower, we ain’t done crashin’ yet.”
While practicing auto-rotations …
While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s.As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place:Tower: “Sir, do you need any assistance?
“Cobra: “I don’t know, Tower, we ain’t done crashin’ yet.”
While participating is the Olymp…
While participating is the Olympics a young gymnast had her first sexual experience, going to bed with a stunning foreign participant. Upon returning to her hometown, she promptly went to confession. After receiving absolution, the gymnast was so delighted that she did cartwheels down the aisle to the door. Waiting her turn, Old Mrs. Ole said to her friend, “can you believe what Father Johnson is giving for penance?
Of all the days for me not to be wearing panties.”
While leading the Friday evening…
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member ofthe congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi,horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk toBernie.Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?
“Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.””Oh, come on.” says the Rabbi.”YES!” says Bernie.Rabbi: “I don’t believe you. You are just fooling around; that’s not aproper thing to do in temple.”Bernie: “Its true!”..”Ok”, says the Rabbi, “then show me what the dog can do.””OK” says Bernie nodding to the dog…The dog proceeds to open up thebarrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on hishead) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! TheRabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the qualityof the praying he says to Bernie. “Do you think your dog would considergoing to Rabbinical school?
?
?
?
“Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,”YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!”
While sports fishing off the Flo…
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?
!” “Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!” “Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?
” “We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em.”
While shopping at the grocery st…
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, “I wonder why?
“The blonde replied, “Must be because the oil would suffocate them.”