The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.””That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “May I see that prescription I just gave you?
I’d like to make a little change…”
The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. “The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘why ?
‘ She replied, ‘Because I love you’.”
The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work.
The only good thing to ever come out of Oklahoma:An empty greyhound.
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.”Private,” the officer said, “I’m recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.””Warehouses?
” the private shouted. “I thought you said whorehouses!”
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.”Private,” the officer said, “I’m recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.””Warehouses?
” the private shouted. “I thought you said whorehouses!”
The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.”Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?
” inquired the officer.”Mister,” exclaimed the telephone lineman, “I was at the top of the pole!”
The police are looking for a thief with one eye Why don’t they use two?
The plumber was working in a house when the lady of the house said to him, “Will it be alright if I have a bath while you’re having your lunch?
“”It’s okay with me lady,” said the plumber, “as long as you don’t splash my sandwiches.”