The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?

“

The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing ona large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopheraccidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiffstepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed itand walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleagueasked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. “It wasokay, but would you believe that guy can’t swim?

“

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by thereception committee, andafter a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriadrecreations available.He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text ofthe Holy Scriptures, andspends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming alinguistic master, hesits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of theBible, working backfrom the most recent “Easy Reading” to the original script.All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels comerunning to him, only tofind the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,”An ‘R’! They left outthe ‘R’.”God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problemis. After collectinghis wits, the Pope sobs again, “It’s the letter ‘R’ … the word wassupposed to beCELEBRATE!”